Chivalirious

i'm on the web. Where?

2009-10-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

Goodbye Facebook. I have so many reasons and the number one doesn't even care.

Adieu Twitter. You are so pointless.

& Myspace. What are we now? I just don't know what to do with you anymore.

Hello DailyBooth, i really like you and i hope we get along.

To my first

2009-10-12T21:40:00.001-07:00

I did it and i do feel like it was a waste of time.
Maybe because it wasn't mutual and i do feel used.
I liked it and could do the sequel.
But i may get new ideas and at this exact moment in my life i don't think is right.
I'm in lust, yes i am.
Can't deny the fact that i am.
Trust me is not a bad thing, cute actually and refreshing.
For the first time in years i let go and behaved like my true self, and my thankfull.
She doesn't go out that much, i wish this could have been longer and more perfect that it was but i feel and always be feeling used, by you.
Hope the feeling last.
Hard times are coming and the thoughts about it make me smile.
It wasn't my intention.
I'm twisted person and you'll never really see me.
I'll treasure all this forever and i hope you never get this.
This ins't my head speaking.
Is not love, is something else.
Deep, golden and fresh.
This is You and I.
As a sentence but apart.

Sunday, 20 september 2009

2009-09-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

I’m one of those persons......

I’m one of those persons who swear all the time.

I’m one of those persons that can stand being touch by strange people or talked.

I’m can’t stand crowded places.

I have to wear a head band to sleep because I have the tendency of eating my hair while sleeping.

I like the color black but my favorite color is green.

I’m scared of big dogs.

I can’t stand cats.

I’m a little racist when it comes to love.

I don’t like black men.

I think I’m bipolar.

I’m still a virgin.

I hate the sun, gives me headaches.

I can’t eat candy or anything high in sugar.

I like to collect random quotes.

I haven’t had a boyfriend in a while.

I’m in lust.

I hate my laugh.

I have an easy smile.

I like creepy movies.

I’ve watched porn.

I read too much.

I don’t like to share.

I love my face in the mornings.

I have sex hair in the mornings.

I don’t like to say a person is ugly.

I like to say please and thank you.

I have a weird sense of humor.

I can’t tell jokes.

I like pasta.

I like red underwear.

I don’t like talking on the phone.

I like gay people.

I sleep on the bus.

I do have feelings.

I don’t cry easily.

I believe in magic.

I believe in God.

I don’t like to go to church.

I hate my name.

I like art.

I like to paint my hands.

I wanna have long hair again.

I’m not photogenic.

I don’t care what people think of me.

I have suicidal thoughts.

I’m a sarcastic person.

I wanna learn how to smoke.

I have bad skin.

I don’t like going to the doctor.

I want to be skinny.

I have ADD.

Wednesday, 9 September 2009

2009-09-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when I want to write my thoughts I go blank.
Is no joke and this happens to me more often than you can imagine, maybe is my lack of enthusiasm or some other stuff.
Today on the way back home, there was a guy on the front sit who had this thin thin mustache, I kept staring and staring and I got the urge to touch it, pull the hairs and lips, and he wasn’t even cute, im in need of a serious session of making out!
My feelings have betrayed me again and this hopefully this time, it won’t last.

Friday, 24 July 2009.

2009-07-24T01:08:00.000-07:00

I have this theory.

And I’m about to explain it, is about boys with girlfriends.

Just like the song by Meiko – Boys with girlfriends, you’re wiser if you don’t socialite with those, because...........I hope I can get this right.

When you know a guy, a random and cute guy and you’re friends with him you built a certain kind of relationship with him, a sort of bond, and in most cases you kind of like him, not in a loving way but you like him but you know him for a time and you know that if you declare or make a move you may ruin the friendship, and most girls wouldn’t want that. ok, you don’t do it, you keep your friend and after a while he comes and tells you he met a girl.

You know the feeling, a bomb has been drop upon you, you’ve shattered to pieces, the guy, THE GUY you like has a girl and is not you. You hope to die and ask God to suddenly make a whole appear on the floor and be buried alive. I know, trust me it happens, it has happened and it will continue to happen.

Now, you take your time and think over and over again about your current situation. You didn’t take the step, you never leaped and now he has a significant other.

Now here comes the tricky part. There are two situations;

One, when you meet “The Girlfriend”:
This is the hard one, you meet her and get to know her and kinda understand why the current guy of your dreams loves her and talks about her all the time. On some situation you make friends with her and she sweet and at times you want to commit murder but she’s you friend girl so you endure it and hope to get over it, ask God for strength because of your awful dark thoughts, I mean the killing her thoughts.

Some how you feel compassion for the girl and don’t want to ruin the relation so you back off and let them be happy but make a mental note; to leap and ruin your friendship, the next time.

Two, when you don’t know “The Girlfriend”:
This is the hardest one. Ok, hate this one so bad.
We all girls have a little detective in ourselves so when your dream guys is committed and you haven’t met her and don’t want to met her cuz your sure that the minute you get your eyes laid on her you stab her eye. I know this may sound funny but this happens, to me, to most girls, to you. And you don’t have to be straight for it to happen.

So you do know her face, lol, cuz since you have your friend myspace, facebook, hi5, beebo, msn, aim, yahoo, space, yahoo360, and any other social site, he will post pictures with his “princess” and you’ll get psychotic and watch everyone of them and get jealous and hope to die.

You make contest metal questions to yourself like what does he sees in her that you don’t have, and torture yourself with the constant questioning putting yourself down in such an awful way that it gets harder and harder to get out and move on because this girl robbed the most amazing guy you know from your hands and it’s all your fault, you saw him first, you met him first he’s yours and yours only and you try harder to get his attention to towards you and lament every second he spends talking about his girl this and that, till you get to breaking point and finally discover that he never was yours, that you had your chances and let it go away.

So you have three options:

One; you tell him and try your best for anyone two know your feelings that are eating you alive.
Two; you don’t tell him and burry those feelings inside and keep being friends with that guy. Three; you walk away from him and never look back because is too painful to be around that guy and see how happy he is with another person.

I may have other things to say but what I cannot write is an advice, because I don’t know your friend or “future loverrr”, yes like that, is good just sometimes to leap and get bruised than let things just happen.

I don’t know, every situation is different do what your guts tell you.

Thursday, 23 July 2009.

2009-07-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I have a new template or layout, as you choose to call it, is kinda fun to look at. Thanks to a friend I got it.

So it’s been like what a day, oh yeah. Dumb, in like in love with that word. You know who else I love, Mitchell Davis, adorable but he’s got a GF. I doesn’t matter I’m not the jealous type. Ahaha.. right. I’m not “ready” for a new entry, I haven’t like prepped or thought or anything but I do have this.

Also I have to share my love of Mitchell Davis or Livelavalive.
And you may ask yourself what’s that? or Who’s that?
You have to google my friend. Hah.

and last one:

ok, last one:

: F , i'm a vampire, lol.

Wednesday, 22 July 2009.

2009-07-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

I feel new in this, I been writing for so long but never where people could see and mostly personal problems, I been trying to fight the urge to write here but now when I find nothing else to do, but listen to music, I can't get out the fact that I have an account on live journal.

I been reading a couple of journals the past months and there some really cool people out there, who I’d love to meet or chat with.

I haven't really chosen a subject to write about, is a little hard for me because when I think really hard about something my mind divides itself in various pieces and takes control of my thoughts so I let it run freely, that's sounds so weird, but yet I’m weird, very weird and not afraid to say so. I still don’t know how people get readers, I’ve never got those, lol, I tried having a blog or a live journal before and it didn't quite work, I may be very silly or dull. Some say I have talent but I do not think so.

The thing is I get tired of writing about myself and it shouldn't be like that, what else I can talk about? Friends? Ha! right, I used to write about this guy I had sort of feelings, as it turns out I didn't I was confused plus he lied so I don't trust people anymore, by people I mean guys. Also the dream of love is only in the books I don't believe in it anymore, is just a commercialized emotion caused by hormones that makes us think we are in love. Sorry if you don't agree but the thing is I stopped dreaming about it a long time ago. There are some occasions where I find myself day dreaming or thinking with my mouth open about some scene I read in a book about this two people who love each other wildly. but then again they’re books, fantasy and make believe, is like when you discover Santa clause is fake and you still pretend he's real just because saying he's not will hurt other people so you shut those feelings in and let them believe you’re as sane and green as they are.

Love = lust.

Is only that and nothing else, is caused by hormones and some other stuff inside us and nothing else. and I’m not bitter or anything like that, realism works for me better that anything else in this world and perhaps I’ll find the truth about it but in the mean time I’ll stick with not believing.

Monday, 20 july 2009.

2009-07-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

I’m one of those persons who eat uncontrollably when alone, I’ve already ate; a slice of pizza, bread with cream cheese and a cup of chocolate cereal. And it’s still 05:51 pm, so there’s plenty of time for more food. One of the reasons I’m fat. Yes I’m fat, or chubby whichever.

I’m not going to introduce myself, you don’t really care and me neither, im just here to write a lot of randomness and you are here to read it, if not well, good bye.

I was really planning to write a whole page on word, font size 12, but is getting a little hard, I started at 5:48 and is 5:56 now and all I got was the no intro thing and the food when alone. Wow I’m such a dork.

Its not going to happen, the whole page thing. Nope not today, my neurons are on strike today.

You want to know what happened today. Yeah?
Well today, after I devoured my slice of pizza my hands were all sticky, cuz all the grease of the cheese so I went into the bathroom to watch my hands, after doing it I stepped out and headed to the study to check on this movie I was downloading, which couldn’t cuz the file was damaged, any who I step out and guess what? I stepped on my dogs pee, ewwww! I wanted to grab her little neck and shaker her to death. The little bitch was standing close when it happened and ran away from the scene of crime, I went after her and locked her in the back room, it wasn't cruel, she has her bed and food there, but she needed a lesson, I also yell at her a little.

So I have my email here, feel free to ask me some things, anything that may be disturbing or just weird, please notice that I’m blocking you, thank you.